WHY I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT VALENTINE’S DAY

Dear Valentine’s Day,

Fuck right off.

You heard me.  I don’t need you.  And no, it’s not because I’m single.  That’s actually the last reason I’m tossing you out like so much garbage this year.  It’s because you never really fit the largeness of love in the first place…that life affirming, enduring thing we all strive to achieve and keep.

“Build a wall around your heart and never love again,” suggested a friend of mine after a particularly trying break-up.  It was piss poor advice.  And thank God I never took it.  You see, I’m romantic, to the bone.  And nothing external could ever change it.  Not the betrayal of a cheating partner, not a lonely bed on a cold winter night and especially not the fact that I’m single on the candiest, rosiest, chocolatiest holiday of the year.

I love love.  And I’d go further to say my one true vice is women, and loving them.  I can give up booze, red meat, and eschew gambling…I can avoid over indulgence in sweet things and generally lead a sober life.  But when I fall in, I fall in deep.  A haze sets in, emails go unattended, I lose touch with friends.  I forget to eat.  My every thought becomes this person.  Who they are, what they are thinking, what they must think when waking, then walking through this world.  And when this love is unrequited, I suffer the suffering of a thousand broken hearts.  I walk with a broken back.  But when a new love is reciprocated it is as if every winnowing pop song is my soundtrack; how sweet and simple life is.  Such joy.  I become a floating thing.

And I want to buy those greeting cards filled with feathery sentiments and hand them out to passersby.  In love, each day presents itself like a luscious poem, rhyming with synchronicity.  And because of it I want to go to museums with my lover and gaze at art…discuss and drink all that beauty. I want to lay on sandy beaches with her, with silent fingers laced.  I want to watch her face as she watches the sun set. I want to love her from the inside of my body to every last inch of the outside of her body and back again.

I do not despise Valentine’s Day because I love less.  I despise it because I love too much.  And not being in love with one person in particular, well, it’s ok…you see, my eyes are wide open to this vast, warm world around me, conspiring towards complexity and fulfillment.  I’m reminded that I can also be just as in love with myself.  Sit on sandy beaches gazing at sunsets alone, synapses firing, alive with all my senses…experiencing it all within the framework of my body and not that of another.  And this feeling can be just as sublime.  Just as ‘in love’ as anything.

So Valentine’s Day, you misguided old fool, I’m tossing you aside because you diminish love.  And don’t we all know that by now?  Cos love isn’t just candy hearts and diamond tennis bracelets.  Love is also a simple act in this complex time and space… and in one breath or a lifetime or a nighttime we can experience the true expanse of the emotion.  Love is a touch and it’s a feeling and it’s 3 fucking D.  It’s whatever it is in any particular moment.  And yes, perhaps it’s a plush bear holding a sateen heart, “I wuv you,” in cursive.  Maybe it’s a bag of oranges.

So this Thursday I am going to pause to reflect on love, not because it's Valentine’s Day but it's because it’s a day.  Any day.  And each day, I let it in.  And each day, if I choose, I make ceremony with sunsets and chocolate and wine and human touch.  Or just the touch of my own two hands, laced silently.  And I understand that this love is enduring.  And not just one day.  It is all days.

So fuck off, you.

But don’t forget…I love you,

Helen 

Rules for Jay Walking and Road Rage=Shopping Rage in DE

So, here are some funny differences I've noticed so far.................................




Rules for Jay walking (in front of kids):
This sign is on every street light.  It says "only by green of the children a role model."  So, I guess it means that in order to be a good role model, you have to wait for the green.  


PRACTICAL ROAD RULES:

- You can jay walk in front of kids, if there isn't a cross walk nearby meaning more than 20 feet away...ish. 

- You can jay walk against the red, if it's on the other side of the street and if it's not looking.


OK. THIS makes sense to me.  I really don't know how the kids that grow up in NYC survive.  

No one respects a queue.


In a bathroom, supermarket, bank, post office, it's all the same. Everyone cuts. No one puts the little plastic thing in between their stuff on the conveyor belt. Everyone is annoyed if you pay slow or you don't have all of your things packed in your bag by the time you pay. PS: It's nearly impossible. Suggestion: hire baggers. Teenagers here need jobs, too.

At least in the states, if someone cuts in line, someone will yell at that person and most likely shame them to the back of the line.  Here no one says anything.

There are a crap load of blogs on this... Here's one.





You have to recycle everything and protect the environment, but EVERY dude pees on the streets...in full daylight....in front of everyone....even when there are bathrooms close and if they're sober.]

No woman I know understands this and here's another one.


I mean.  I get it on one hand.  I have done my fair share of urban peeing.  I find it crazy that you have to pay for bathrooms here.  It makes me FURIOUS!  It is a human need and the restrooms are mostly in restaurants or bars, shopping malls, etc.  I can understand having a bathroom attendant that is paid with the funds for public toilets in the mall or in some other kind of public situation, but not in a restaurant or bar, book shop, etc.   And then, sometimes, you have to pay for a toilet with the bathroom attendant sitting there staring at you...and the bathroom is not clean.  WTF IS THAT ABOUT? I mean.  Really?  


Anyway....enough of that one.  



Bikers and pedestrians have the right of way except when a bus is coming. Those assholes will always try to run you down.




You can drink in public! Beer and wine = 16 years old. Hard alcohol = 18 years old. It's a little funny to see kids in the bar.

Crabben is tiny gross shrimps. NOT CRAB. Don't be fooled.

Your name has to be approved by the government.

Ice Ice

Ok. So, there's this thing called Alstereisvergnügen. I AM SO EXCITED! So, the Alster is the big part of the 2 part man-made lake thing in Hamburg. It's the city center.  These are pictures from the first day that people were officially allowed on the ice.  Last Tuesday.

Alstereisvergnügen

So, maybe from here we should have thought that it would be ein bisschen gefährlich (a little dangerous).  There is a sign that says to never cross under the bridges on the ice because it's always much thinner than the rest of the lake.

So, we crossed over from the Alster, the big lake, to the Binnenalster that is the smaller lake that is by all the shops.  We found out later that that wasn't a great idea.  It wasn't roped off, but we weren't allowed on it.  There were a bunch of people on it, but then the cops came and told everyone to get out, but nicely, which was a bit surprising.  

BUT it was amazing!!  The pointy building is the Rathaus (City Hall) building and all the fancy shops and the new Mac Store all right here.

There were really cool ice chunks that had refrozen.

Since we came from the other side of the lake, we didn't see any signs saying not to go on the ice on this side.

And, then the cops.  They were even being a little funny on the loud speaker.  There were a couple of teenage girls that were pretending not to listen, but standing in the direct line of sight of the cop here (below).  So, he began talking to them directly.  It was pretty funny.   He said, "HALLLLLLOOO!  THIS IS THE POLICE......PLEASE GET OFF THE ICE.  GIRLS......I SEE YOU..... "  And they still took their sweet time coming in.  They were, what looked like, doing their fashion photography.  Trying to look really cute on the ice.

Ok.  This looks way more scary here.  That ice by the boats is really not frozen.

I thought this duck was frozen onto the ice.  I waited around to see that it wasn't.

Next day....when it became really obvious that we can't walk on the small lake.

ICE GRAFFITI

There were a few people riding their bikes on the snow/ice.

We're trying to find me some cheap ice skates.  This would be awesome!!!

AND, of course, you can drink on the ice, too.  There were nice boys selling beers on the ice.  Good idea..

I LOVE these old wooden sleds.  They sell the lame plastic ones that come in neon colors, but more than half the people still buy the old school ones.  I love it!

 ********  UPDATE   -  THE LAKE IS NOT FULLY FROZEN ANYMORE!!!  *********

SO THIS IS TOTALLY CRAZY!!!  This is what it looked like today!!!  I can't even believe we were out there.  And the newspaper reported that over 1 million people came and visited and walked on the ice this past weekend.  NUTS!

 Ok.  This is the Elbe (river)...Still a few ice chunks.

Rathaus / City Hall

There's this cute little boat that always has a cake and coffee special....which we found out today was not a special.  They just make it look like it on a sign outside.  It worked on us.  hahaha.

Expat MeetUPs

So, I'm part of a bunch of different ex pat groups trying to make new friends and connections that will hopefully lead to a job. The first group I joined was Internations. It's a very serious/business related kind of ex pat group. I've been to a couple of events that they do. They're always really big 50-100 people and usually just at a big bar that is in a theater. It's a cool venue, but a little too spread out to really get to know people easily. Some of the people are just theater patrons, too. So, you might just end up talking to someone not in the group, which is sometimes better. And it's a little too "business casual". Most people are in their power suits and like to talk about their careers. *yawn*

Then, I finally went onto MeetUp.com. I had totally forgotten about this for a few months. So, I set up my profile and joined every group I could. So, I'm in a English-German Stammtisch group, an English Stammtisch group, Hamburg International Women's Group, Hamburg Dining Out Group, Hamburg English Speakers New In Town Group, Indoor and Outdoor Activities English Speakers Group, and Hamburg Professionals MeetUp Group. And I tried to set up a LGBT and Friends group, but I found out in the last set up page that it cost $75. F that. I'm unemployed and I could use that $75. I mean...really. = I searched long and hard for gay groups, but they really don't do that here. I've been to the gay part of town....St. Georg - pronounce -GAY-ORG. Not joking. Really. (Think Sound of Music, the dad's name was Georg - GAY-ORG, too. I just realized that during a recent viewing. Yes, I made her watch it with me........TANGENT.) In St. Georg, we picked up EVERY gay/lesbian magazine, postcard, zine, flier and sticker that was sitting out at the gayest bar we could find. I only found

So, this was a English-German Stammtisch (it kind of means regular's table...) Anyway, a lot of these groups are called Stammtisch-es. This one was run by this woman, Petra, but goes by Peti - like Petey. She was a real...... go-getter. It was a very.....interesting.....time. I sat with her and another German woman for the first bit until a new Indian guy Raki came along and I offered him my seat. Then, I tried to go say hi to a German woman I know and she's a lot of fun, Kerstin, but there were no seats at her table. So, the other table offered me a seat. I'm calling this the Ukrainian table. Yes, only 1/2 of them were Ukrainian, but .....make it so. They were a really weird table...and very passive aggressive. After a bit the P-A people left the table after I started talking about lesbians and the Camino de Santiago. Guess they didn't get it. Whew.


I've been to three events by the E-G Group and it's all been VERY different. The first one was at an Indian Restaurant, Maharaja, in the Kiez (Red Light District/ Reeperbahn ). This picture makes it look really tame. It CAN be, but Thursdays through Saturdays, it's nuts. Lots of "alternative" people, meaning gutter punks, dirty drunk old men, hookers galore, homeless people sleeping on the streets while drunk dudes piss right next to them. It's a fiasco on wheels. I don't even like riding my bike on the street past the craziness. One of our neighbor/friends told us that it's getting really bad there. Ok. Anyway, that night turned into tons of funs. The whole group (a few Indians, a couple of Germans, a bunch of Asians, an Australians and I) decided that we should go to the Christmas market in the Reeperbahn (across the street), after a few Glühweins mit Schuss (shots of liquor - rum for me), a smaller group of us headed off to find somewhere warm with more booze. We ended up at this disco...mainly for teenagers, but it wasn't too crowded on a Saturday night and wasn't too expensive. We stayed there for hours shouting over the music. After more and more and more drinks we decided that we should just stay up and go to the Fischmarkt that starts at 5am. It was already around 4am. So, we decided to start walking over there. By this time, it was only me, a funny Irish chick and a cute German dude. On the way, we wandered into a tiny dive bar that I have always wondered about. It's right by the Fischmarkt and is AWESOME! It felt like a combination between Brady's in Santa Cruz and the Cozy Inn in Culver City. Shitty, punk rock, stale beer smelling, cheap ass drinks-a-havin' wonderful place. Everyone was, of course, shit-house-drunk, by the time we arrived. We ended up sitting with a guy from Denmark and one from Norway. They insisted that we speak in English. They were hilarious and bought us some drinks. We sat and drank and smoked away a few more hours. Finally around 7am, we ended up at the Fischmarkt. Grabbed a coffee due to the intense swerve we had acquired and I proceeded to do buy a crapload of sausage and cheese. Mmmmmm.....


Anyway, this English pub was pretty rad because.....I found this on the internet and the owners were REALLY NICE.
"Yes, its pretty interesting if you like The Beatles. The owner, Gibson Kemp replaced Ringo Starr when he left Rory Storm and the Hurricanes to join The Beatles. Also Astrid Kerscherr, the photographer who is portrayed in the film Backbeat is a regular customer. I think some of her early photos of the band are on the walls in there."

But, my favorite so far is the Hamburg International Womens Group because we go to the English movie theater. For 7 Euros we get a glass of champagne, chat and then watch a flick. Good times.

Ok. Now, I'm supposed to leave with Burgleinchen to another expat event with the Womens group meeting at a cute French cafe in the Hafen (Harbor). It's the new old part of town. BUT it's really cold and we would cycle there. Soooooooo..........we'll see.

Sausage Fest at the Fischmarkt

SAUSAGE FEST = WURSTFEST

Here's another word that I'm tried to get started over here. I've explained that any party or gathering with too many men = Sausage Fest. So, the direct translation is Wurstfest. That and Wunderlecker=best tasting thing ever. Unrelated items. Although, the German sausage here is pretty f'ing tasty. But gross comparison, but it does lead to me this...we went on a Wurst spree this morning.

Every Sunday morning, Hamburg has a Fischmarkt and it's really close to our apartment.

This is a a big, beautiful, old building where everyone goes to have coffee or beer, listen to live music and just chill out after a long Saturday night that turned into Sunday morning. I've only done this once. I met up with an expat group for Indian food and it turned into an all night affair replete with a lot of beer, dancing at a shitty club for the teenagers, dive bar for the punk rock kids and then ending up at the Fischmarkt at 7am for a coffee. Crazy night. Today was not one of those days. It was a normal day. It's a pretty big market and no matter what the weather, there are a lot of people out. It closes at 9:30am. So, we usually go around 9am or so. When you go at the end, all the vendors start reducing all the prices.

I really didn't want to go this morning since it was sleeting, but I really wanted to hit up the French cheese lady. We ended up with all of this for 22€. Accidentally, we went to the wrong sausage guy today. So, we got 5 different sausages for 10€, which is already a great deal. Then, we found the real one, and bought another bargain bag thing. So, 20€ on sausage. ha. The lady was really nice and gave us a bunch more stuff. (And, yes, we did get more Santa sausage, in case you were worried.)
AND, we got a giant crate of Blueberries for 2€. F'ing awesome! We're having a waffle-off with a couple of friends next weekend. So, we're freezing half and I just made some healthy blueberry bear-shaped cakes since we couldn't find the muffin form.

After the Fischmarkt, we hit up the only store that's open on Sundays, Lidl. (Blue laws here, too, it is officially a Catholic country.) We found some weird pre-made Meat Loaf things. I guess this is where meatloaf came from. It looked scary to me and my lady thought it looked delicious. haha.


Every week, Lidl, focuses on one country and does an international food sale thing, but it's only the shitty version of. So, the American sale will have frozen American burgers, Blueberry pie mix, Peanut Butter, Potato Chips, and Ketchup. That's pretty much it. And it's all manufactured in Germany. Everything has an American flag and Lady Liberty on it. It's awesome.

Just like my wallet. I feel like I could have only found this here....or Texas.

Alright. Time to get ready for the gym.

U-S-A! U-S-A! But pronounced - U like Umlaut, S (normal) and A like Aubergine.