Lady Violence

I spent yesterday morning in Emily Kwong's dentist's chair.  (Do not confuse this Emily with my Emily Kwong.) The reason for this unscheduled visit was to repair a cracked tooth, due to an accidental, but violent, keychain to my mouth situation.  On top of that cracked tooth, I also had a fat lip - my second one in a month.  Conclusion: no one is careful with Helen.
PS here is a photo of Dylan and Brenda. 

You Don't Know Shit About Dolphins

I sent out an email to a select group of friends about 3 minutes ago asking them to email me ANYTHING they knew about dolphins, just from recall.  While I wait for them to respond, I'll tell you what I know.

• Like humans, they are mammals. 
• They have blowholes. 
• They can leap out of water. 

That may be about it.  Really.  I mean everything else I can think of is more of a feeling I have about them...like they are super cute and seem like they are having fun jumping around and if I ever saw one up close while swimming in the ocean, I'd freak out because I'd think it was a shark.  I am going to ask Woody what he knows. (Woody sits close to me at work. He is a generally agreeable person. As a surfer, he may have relevant data. Let's see.)

• They are smart (no evidence offered)
• They are the only mammals that have sex for recreational purposes, humans not included.
• They protect humans from sharks sometimes (sounds like a surfer's tall tale)
• They communicate with each other
• They travel in pods (editors note: this is their collective noun - POD. A group of owls is called a Parliment. A Parliment of Owls. A group of crows - A murder of crows.  Lesbians - A pack. A pack of lesbians.)

That is a nice amount of information. Thanks Woody.  You get a picture in today's blog for playing along.

JenDM has responded with some dubious information, she claims that all dolphins are gay and that they prefer it bareback. Hmmm. Let's not dismiss this data outright, but let's not take it as gospel.

Ritee also just replied, saying that dolphins are smart. This is the second "smart" I've gotten. This
automatically makes this true. (FYI - She doesn't even know Woody. ) Also, she says that all the dolphins at Sea World are on Prozac.

Juli says: They are grey. Definitively, this is all she can say. Unfortunately, she is wrong.
  

Ok. That's all we know, collectively.

Its a new day

Yes, it sure is a new day. So why do I still feel like that dog to the left of Charlie? All tied up. I will explore all this and more, soon. Not today.

so it has come to this.

VS.

The first sign was the nightmare.

In the early hours of Sunday morning a horrible dream woke me, leaving me breathless and reaching for the dog. It did not involve lycanthropes and airborne switchblades, not your typical fare. No rabid dogs or tidal waves or legs that wont work while the rapist creeps closer. Rather, I dreamt my dog was angry at me due to the fact that I'd forgotten to bench LaDanian Thomlinson, a Chargers Running Back, who was injured. Wha...?

It was a nightmare about fantasy football.

What makes this stranger is that Thomlinson is not even on my team. Stranger still, my dog doesn't understand the concept.

Fantasy football has taken over my inner life. And perhaps my outer life. This morning, as I walked to the train, I pulled out my blackberry and checked last nights scores. YES! My team, The BROOKLYN PINK DRESSES beat James Coker and his damn team called THE 1991 DENVER BRONCOS. I was happy! So happy! Then I looked up and I saw a homeless looking man muttering to himself. Behind him, he dragged a granny cart filled with empty bottles. An epiphany hit me. I'm not that guy. I am not a homeless guy. But who I am, is this girl who doesn't know anything about football, all of the sudden obsessed with fantasy football. And why? I don't know. The homeless guy probably had a better sense of himself and his purpose in that moment. He was spiritually intact. But me? I'm empty, clinging to tight end, Jeremy Shockey's performance and Chad Pennington's injury report. I am a husk.

So it has come to this.

30 Rock

So today. Nothing really happened on the way to work. BUT once I got to work...shit storm. Cannot elucidate, but trust all is fine and Season 4 is going to be BEYOND.

average morning, walking to the g train.

There are New York mornings when you can traverse miles and miles, on foot and by train, and not talk to a single person. Surrounded by the multitudes equally unimpressed by the brand new day, you just blend in and play background. Its ok, because you haven't had your morning coffee yet and to have to speak would probably pull a muscle. This morning however several people spoke to me, no matter that they were conversations so mundane that when I list them here you'll be angry you read this far.

Not 3 feet from my door a Park Slope Mom was getting ready to take her child to school. She was asking her what she would like to eat...cheese stick? Graham crackers? An apple? The child who did not like her choices and was probably waiting for her perfect size 4 mom to offer up a marshmallow, did not reply. I wanted to scream at her: don't give the child a choice! TELL her, here's your apple. Eat it. Anyway, that was only somewhat of a digression because no one spoke to me, but it does illustrate why my "ire" level had been raised.

Soon enough though, I would be disarmed by the kindness of strangers. Shortly after that exchange, I stopped into my local bakery and got myself a morning coffee. As I reached over another costumer to get milk then the simple syrup I simmered with a silent rage...the other customer was quietly measuring out her splenda packet into her coffee. Exactly half a pack. As I attempted to roll my eyes to myself, without prompting, she handed me a lid and a straw. Exactly what I needed to get on my way and start my day. Such a nice thing to do. We exchanged a few nicey nices and I was on my way. A block from the cafe, a couple stopped me and handed me my jacket that I hadn't noticed i had dropped a few feet away. Thanks, I said. They both smiled, your welcome. Small, yes, but I felt like something had shifted in the universe. 3 pleasant people in a row.

random picture of my mom walking down Park Place, towards 5th Avenue

Now it was my turn, a man looking bewildered on the corner of where about 8 streets converege. Flatbush, Atlantic, Dean, Pacific, 5th Ave, who knows what else. Which way is 4th he asked and I answered, helpfully. It had all come full circle. New York had made me mad then softened me up, and then I gave my share of goodness. All this before I even got on the subway. On the way to work I pondered all this and smiled quietly to myself. I am a part of all this. And that guys would be lost with out me and that jacket would be lost with out that couple and that coffee would have spilled had that lady not though for me in the blue sky bakery.

I'm pretty sure that mom was useless though. Also fairly certain that the kid is gonna grow up to be a dick.

its been a while...

but I'm back.

HI.